To Be Continued

I got an A+ on my 6 page art theory paper AND a high five from my TA

I am ecstatic.

Finally came to the realization regarding why I never want to be with someone. Well at least not for awhile.

I don’t want them to have to deal with my emotional scars. Ever.

It’s a constant battle. It comes and goes. Sometimes I find myself scratching the walls until my fingers bleed. Other times I’m hyperventilating…crying into a pillow and humming a random tune until the pain subsides. My heart forgives those who hurt me, but my mind wants to rip them apart. It wants to see them suffer big time for what they’ve done (I can assure you that I don’t get angry easily, so it must have been a serious offense they committed).

But I don’t want that. I’d rather hurt myself. I wish they would just learn to give me space when I kindly ask for it. That is all I ask, but for some fucking reason it’s difficult for them to do so.

This is how I cope. If you really loved me, you’d honor and respect that. I’ll come around eventually.

Don’t pressure me to be okay right away just so you don’t have to feel guilty anymore.

I find it pretty fucking hilarious how unprofessional some people can be.

I am truly disappointed, especially when I’ve held the person in such high esteem for being professional and very knowledgeable about campus resources (which have trained the person on what it means to be professional. HOW IRONIC). Generally speaking, I considered the person a great role model for a leader………………….

*NOTE: I will definitely be addressing the following points to the individual in person later today. I am too pissed off to let this be swept under the rug.*

Anyways, back to the rant:

But the way you lashed out on the rest of us earlier ON OUR FACEBOOK PAGE….just WOW.

First of all, for serious matters like this, CONFRONT US IN PERSON and NOT ONLINE.

Second of all, DON’T BE ALL HOSTILE. It cancels out all of the admirable qualities about you and makes you look like a complete bitch.

Third of all, BECAUSE YOU ARE HOSTILE, you have diminished the last bits of cohesion we had as a team.

Fourth of all (ick. I’ve never gone past three times, so that sounded weirdddddd), you give off a very intimidating/ unwelcoming/ far from understanding vibe. You may want us to be better at communicating with you and getting shit done, BUT NOW, there is a slim chance we will want to communicate with you…well for me at least.

Final Comments: How DARE you make us feel like complete shit. Just because you’re the leader that doesn’t mean you can act out like this. BE A LEADER, NOT A DICTATOR.

P.S. Instead of deleting your angry post off of the fb page, you shouldn’t have posted it in the first place. Always make a draft first…think about it long and hard..pros and cons. If you still want to post it, then go for it. DON’T delete it after the fact. That’s a bitch move. We all read the post. DAMAGE IS DONE. Plus, I already print-screened it before you could delete it LOLOLOLOL >:]

I AM SO DONE.

I’m all smiles because of you.

New information that irritates me even more

When someone puts your friend under the bus because he made it seem like he ONLY KNEW that I had feelings for him WHEN MY FRIEND TOLD HIM SO.

I found out that yes, my friend may have spoken to him, but she DIDN’T tell him directly that I was the person who liked him. Say whaaaaat?

Oh. He knew I liked him for the past two quarters. HE KNEW. He knew and he kept sending me mixed signals.

I am honestly tired of this kind of ish. It’s happened before. So it’s kind of ridiculous.

If you know someone likes you, don’t fucking act like you don’t know and please don’t feel the need to keep sending mixed signals. Instead, JUST TELL THE PERSON THAT YOU DON’T FEEL THE SAME WAY. oh, and PLEASE don’t think that you can place the blame on someone else because that’ll just make you look like an idiot when I find out that it wasn’t the case.

I always find out.

Gentlemen and gentlewomen, if you do ish like this, please check yo self and get yo ish together. Ain’t nobody got time for this.

When someone finds out that you sort of like them through your mutual friend.

it’s one thing for the person to be like, “so and so told me that you like me. I’m sorry to say this, but i only like you as a friend.”

my thoughts: no worries. it’s totally fine :]

BUT, when they follow it up with “you can still talk to me, but if you don’t want to anymore, i understand.”

my thoughts: -.- WHY DO THEY AUTOMATICALLY THINK THAT I’M CRUSHED INTO A MILLION PIECES?! like seriously, I have more self-worth than to let something like this bring me down. Independent woman fo sho. Confident woman hells yes. Boy, please. Ain’t nobody got time for that lame ass “i understand if you don’t want to talk anymore” shiett. WE’RE STILL FRIENDS NO MATTER WHAT.

Gawd.

what i’m more pissed out about is that said mutual friend decided to take the situation into her own hands and tell him. cmonnnnnn. if i wanted to reveal my feelings to him, i would have spoken to him myself. The only reason I didn’t do so is because I simply don’t have those feelings for him anymore.

Bottom line: People just need to stay out of my business.

Fo realz doe. 

Today is going to be a good day. Nay, it’s going to be a GREAT day.

I’m ready to let you get under my skin.

I am very pleased with the results of our latest photo shoot.

I’ll be posting pics up in a few hours.

Get excited.